The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
