I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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