Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
