If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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