Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
