You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
