you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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