she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
