You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
