My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
