You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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