Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
