I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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