Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
