sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
