I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ladies don't puke and tell
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
is it fun? or sober?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
