Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
