if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
