Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
