Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
