mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
