I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
