dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
