Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
