Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
