I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
