just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you win again, gameday.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
