just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
