theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
