eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
