wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
