His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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