i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
love makes seman taste better
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
