If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
