The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
