I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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