Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
