he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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