K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
