I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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