I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
