i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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