we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
