you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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