I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
