Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
