It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
