I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
