I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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