U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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